careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My breasts were aching with rage.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
