Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
