I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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