a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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