We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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