Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
