i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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