Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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