I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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