so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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