I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You've changed since you got that strap on
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
