I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
