I must be too annoying 4 u.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
