Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
