I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
