Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is classic penis vs brain.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
