the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
