do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
