went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Watching her eat just hurts me
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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