Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
