I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
