i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
