if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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