Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
