Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize