absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I need a beard to bite.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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