I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
