I'm so fucking centered right now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
