I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize