Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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