I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
