dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I AM VODKA MAN
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
