with your own penis?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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