ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
