I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize