Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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