I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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