Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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