you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
