you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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