Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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