just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
