I'm really into asian looking animals
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
