I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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