**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
