kristin has been a bad kristin
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
