well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
