i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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