watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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