i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
