Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
