U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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