I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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