Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
