I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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