so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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