Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
