do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
