OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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