It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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