he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
