Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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