Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I AM VODKA MAN
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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