I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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