hell yes lets make some ravioli
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
