i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize