your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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