Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Be still, my beating vagina.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
