Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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