Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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