I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
