the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
