Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
