Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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