Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
