These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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