I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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