I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize