That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
