Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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