Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
