Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize