At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
