I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
