So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
