I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You did what with his pubic hair?
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