I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
