there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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