I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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