he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
