i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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