Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
