hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
