she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
