So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
