Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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