I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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