Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
